“Don’t expose your private affairs in public.” Emily Post, Etiquette Guru
Contrary to the etiquette queen’s opinion and the edicts of the PC police, my advice is that if you’re looking to establish long-term credibility in a personal or business relationship, develop your ability to speak frankly. I’m not talking about Trump-style blasting, but skillful sharing of your perspectives. You’ll not only feel more confident for expressing yourself, but you will also reap these additional benefits:
You’ll be more likely to…
… be seen as a person who is honest and forthright.
… engage others in meaningful dialogue that can lead to better solutions and mutual understanding.
… be viewed as a person of independence and confidence.
… be someone who others will seek out for honest constructive feedback.
… develop deeper relationships and be trusted more.
… avoid being misunderstood.
If this open communications style is new for you, begin by being transparent with your uplifting, affirming thoughts and opinions. Whenever you think a positive thought about someone, tell them. For these affirmations, the guidelines are: be sincere, tell them ASAP and, whenever possible, speak face to face.
So, the new transparent you says things like- “I love that color on you.”-” I appreciate your upbeat attitude.” – .”- “That’s a sharp looking car.” – “You’re the right person for this job.” In addition to building others up, uplifting expressions lay a more receptive foundation for any future critical comments.
The research says that for the best relational results from critical comments, establish at least a 3 to 1, positive to negative ratio. Don’t overdo the praise, anything beyond 13 to 1 will likely be perceived as insincere. So, be transparent with your honest accolades, before you offer your more challenging opinions.
Of course, this bold, assertive style only works well if you’ve learned and practiced the skills of effective communication. Brash, insensitive sharing of your views will only drive others for cover and alienate even the most forgiving of your friends. Here’s a helpful video.
“It’s our secrets that separate us.” unknown author
“You provided skills that we were able to apply that afternoon.”