Why it’s Your Own Fault

February 19, 2016 by

dissappointed“People can’t live up to the expectations they don’t know have been set for them.” Rory Vaden

It doesn’t matter if it’s a disappointment with a gift , a relational response or a worker’s performance, if you didn’t make your expectations clear, then you have no right to hold anyone accountable for the results.

You didn’t make yourself clear and now you’re disappointed.  You may be right in thinking that he or she should have known what you expected. “Denny’s? I was sure he’d take me to that upscale restaurant.” Get over it.

To dwell in your cloud of gloom will only increase your frustration and negativity. Shake-off the blues about this one and determine to be more assertive the next time.

As you set your expectations, remember that the more specific you are- the who, what, where, why and when, the less likely you are to suffer a “disappointment-headache.” Have the Excedrin ready if you say: ” Joe, I’d like your expense report ASAP.”;  or you can relax and enjoy your weekend if you ask: ” Joe, I’m closing the books for the month next Monday, the 12th. Can I get your expense report completed and on my desk by 1 pm this Friday, the 9th?” If you can get  both understanding and  buy-in of your expectations on the front end,  you’ll help assure that your days of disappointment because of unclear expectations are over.

For the sake of the empowerment of others, particularly those who report directly to you, I recommend focusing expectations on outcomes and measurable results and not on methods or style. Micro-managers can suck the life out of good people.  In fact,  you can expect them to move on.

“Be clear on what you want; don’t rely on unexpressed expectations.” Alison Pescosolido, M.A.,Divorce Detox

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Be Shockingly Transparent!

February 12, 2016 by

shocked“Don’t expose your private affairs in public.” Emily Post, Etiquette Guru

Contrary to the etiquette queen’s opinion and the edicts of the PC police, my advice is that if you’re looking to establish long-term credibility in a personal or business relationship, develop your ability to speak  frankly. I’m not talking about Trump-style blasting, but skillful sharing of your perspectives. You’ll not only feel more confident  for expressing yourself, but you will also reap these additional  benefits:

You’ll be more likely to…

… be seen as a person who is  honest and forthright.

… engage others in meaningful dialogue that can lead to better solutions and mutual understanding.

… be viewed as a  person of independence and confidence.

… be someone who others will seek out for honest constructive feedback.

… develop deeper relationships and be trusted more.

… avoid being misunderstood.

If this open communications style is new for you, begin by being transparent with your uplifting, affirming thoughts and opinions. Whenever you think a positive thought about someone, tell them. For these affirmations, the  guidelines are: be sincere, tell them ASAP and, whenever possible, speak face to face.

So, the new  transparent you  says things like- “I love that color on you.”-” I appreciate your upbeat attitude.” – .”- “That’s a sharp looking car.” – “You’re the right person for this job.” In addition to building others up, uplifting expressions lay a more receptive foundation for  any future  critical comments.

The research says that for the best relational results from critical comments, establish  at least a 3 to 1, positive to negative ratio. Don’t overdo the praise, anything beyond 13 to 1 will likely be perceived as insincere. So, be transparent with your honest accolades, before you offer your more challenging opinions.

Of course, this bold, assertive style only works well  if you’ve learned and practiced the skills of  effective communication. Brash, insensitive sharing of your views will only drive others for cover and alienate even the most forgiving of your friends. Here’s a helpful video.

“It’s our secrets that separate us.” unknown author

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3 Ways to be More Likeable

January 19, 2016 by

avoiding“People like people who like them.” Kare Anderson

Running for office? George Gallup has discovered that the deciding factor between  Issues, Party and Likeability is the “L” word. In fact, whatever business you’re in, your likeability can make or break you. According to The Like Ability Factor author, Tim Sanders, “… the more well liked you are,the more likely you are to keep your job.”

Who doesn’t want to be liked? If you can be you and be liked, not only, is it a natural place to live in, but also, it’s a position with significant benefits.   For starters, if you’re liked, other people will be more apt to  show you grace and become a cheerleader for you.  As well, studies say that  better things will come your way and you’ll be happier.

In fact, according to a 1992 survey, if you’re likeable, you’re likelihood of divorce is one half of the divorce rate of the general public.   As a bonus, studies show that likeable people are healthier to boot.

Here are three tips for improving your likeability.

 1.  Be transparent and real. A cheesy smile, feigned enthusiasm and too much makeup may get you a quick look, but if you’re perceived as self-centered, with an artificial aura, you could cause people to be cautious of  a deeper relationship. Just be you, and let your natural personality guide your style as you focus on others. Your honesty about faults, fears and faux pas can make you more approachable than gloating about your title, connections and accomplishments.

2. Talk less, listen more.  Have you ever heard of anyone avoiding someone because “They listen too much,” of course not,  but they will hide from you if you’re a “Gas-bag.” Talkers often focus on themselves, their own agendas and scripts. The stories may be interesting for a minute or two, but likeability suffers as the yakking continues. Getting away gracefully from a long-winded person takes some skill. Check out these escape tools.

Contrariwise, likeable great listeners  are masters at asking leading questions and encouraging others to keep the microphone in their hands.

3. Remember  names and passions.  It goes without saying that you should remember  preferred names, but you can also improve your likeability by remembering personal passions. Remember what others are  excited about; what’s important to them. When you say to me “Hi Dick, how’s that new grandson, Lincoln?” You’ve won my endorsement as a likeable person.

You’ll be someone others will want to be around if you’re comfortable in your own skin, a great  listener and someone who remembers people and their story. People will be saying “I really like that lady.”

“If other people don’t perceive you as friendly, you aren’t friendly.” Tim Sanders, The Like Ability Factor.

Filed Under: Articles

3 Ways to be More Likeable

January 19, 2016 by

avoiding“People like people who like them.” Kare Anderson

Running for office? George Gallup has discovered that the deciding factor between  Issues, Party and Likeability is the “L” word. In fact, whatever business you’re in, your likeability can make or break you. According to The Like Ability Factor author, Tim Sanders, “… the more well liked you are,the more likely you are to keep your job.”

Who doesn’t want to be liked? If you can be you and be liked, not only, is it a natural place to live in, but also, it’s a position with significant benefits.   For starters, if you’re liked, other people will be more apt to  show you grace and become a cheerleader for you.  As well, studies say that  better things will come your way and you’ll be happier.

In fact, according to a 1992 survey, if you’re likeable, you’re likelihood of divorce is one half of the divorce rate of the general public.   As a bonus, studies show that likeable people are healthier to boot.

Here are three tips for improving your likeability.

 1.  Be transparent and real. A cheesy smile, feigned enthusiasm and too much makeup may get you a quick look, but if you’re perceived as self-centered, with an artificial aura, you could cause people to be cautious of  a deeper relationship. Just be you, and let your natural personality guide your style as you focus on others. Your honesty about faults, fears and faux pas can make you more approachable than gloating about your title, connections and accomplishments.

2. Talk less, listen more.  Have you ever heard of anyone avoiding someone because “They listen too much,” of course not,  but they will hide from you if you’re a “Gas-bag.” Talkers often focus on themselves, their own agendas and scripts. The stories may be interesting for a minute or two, but likeability suffers as the yakking continues. Getting away gracefully from a long-winded person takes some skill. Check out these escape tools.

Contrariwise, likeable great listeners  are masters at asking leading questions and encouraging others to keep the microphone in their hands.

3. Remember  names and passions.  It goes without saying that you should remember  preferred names, but you can also improve your likeability by remembering personal passions. Remember what others are  excited about; what’s important to them. When you say to me “Hi Dick, how’s that new grandson, Lincoln?” You’ve won my endorsement as a likeable person.

You’ll be someone others will want to be around if you’re comfortable in your own skin, a great  listener and someone who remembers people and their story. People will be saying “I really like that lady.”

“If other people don’t perceive you as friendly, you aren’t friendly.” Tim Sanders, The Like Ability Factor.

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Your Crystal Ball to Success

December 26, 2015 by

crystal ball1“The future depends on what you do today.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

What a quarter you had! Of course, it’s encouraging to have been successful in the past, and the numbers stand as testament to what you’ve accomplished. Scanning over  those participation, membership or financial reports, reminds you  just how successful you were. You may even have some unique ratios or benchmarks you use to more precisely assess your past performance. It’s all helpful historical data, but wouldn’t it be even more helpful to have information that would forecast your chances for success in the coming quarters? One man has discovered this crystal ball.

According to Claes Fornell, author of The Satisfied Customer, and developer of the American Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI), an outstanding predictor of future profitability is your customer satisfaction score. As Fornell puts it, “Satisfied customers are more likely to come back for more,” he adds,”…long term profits come from satisfied customers.”

The founder and chairman of an international consulting firm, Swedish born Fornell, even demonstrated that an investment  portfolio made up of firms with high ACSI scores consistently outperformed the market. He concludes then that  customer satisfaction improvement will likely lead to improvement in profitability.

You see, what he’s saying is that you can put on your customer service glasses and look into the crystal ball to see what  your chances look like for success in the coming quarters. This then, begs the question, “What’s the best way to assess customer satisfaction?”

There are many ways to determine the satisfaction level of customers, but how about  a method that is inexpensive, simple and accurate? Anonymity, by the way, is essential to higher customer participation and transparency. I recommend online surveys and here are 3 tips on how to do it:

1. Ask the right questions. In my experience there are two key questions to ask to get a big picture view of  your customer’s  satisfaction. First,  “How likely are you to recommend (Insert you.) to others?” I prefer a 1 to 10 scale. Then follow that question with, “What’s one thing we could do to improve that score?” These big simple questions keep you out of the weeds and raise the response rate.

2. Monitor the average. If, over time, the rolling average score on that first question  is headed up,  your chances are better for success in the next quarter, but if you see that average  headed down,  your future is looking cloudy, and it’s time to drill down and find out what’s going on. Closely review the answers to question two. Of course, the fresher and larger your sample the more helpful your score.

3. Keep it short. Every question and word  you add increases the likelihood that you lose a respondent. Need help? Below is a link to a sample that will take  you to the Survey Monkey site.While SM does offer several plans, their low-end, no-fee plan will walk you through the basics of the process and get you started. You can also offer hard copies to the customers who are more likely to participate in this way.

So, there’s your crystal ball to success.

In another post, I’ll describe a simple tool that prompts you to be even more preemptive. It is predictive of trends, not just of your future revenue streams, but  of your customer service scores. In the meantime, remember that…

“Being on par in terms of price and quality only gets you into the game. Service wins the game.” ~ Tony Allesandra

  Click here for the Survey Monkey sample.

 

Filed Under: Articles

Show Your Teeth

October 31, 2015 by

Strahan“This is who I am. I’m not perfect. I don’t want to try to be perfect.”  Michael Strahan, Retired NFL  Defensive End

I wanted more perfect teeth, so I tried the Arm & Hammer, “Truly Radiant” toothpaste, but my teeth were still banana colored. My dentist’s advice? “Wear a brown tie.”

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being neat, clean and well-groomed. There is a point, however,  where too much “Hollywood” cover-up  can send the unintended  message that we may be hiding the real person and that underneath it all is someone who is insecure. A  more “au naturale” appearance  may project a  positive self-image and make us more approachable. Actress Jamie Lee Curtis thinks so. “The more I like me, the less I want to pretend to be other people.” says the lightly made-up actress.

For me, I find comfort in reminding myself that long after others forget whether my teeth were white, or  my skin  bronze and flawless, they’ll remember how I made them feel. I now realize that I should be investing less time and energy on my own image and focusing more on building up the self esteem of others.

Bottom line? You are one of a kind. Be you, be natural, and be approachable.

“You don’t inspire your teammates by showing them how amazing you are.  You inspire them by showing them how amazing they are.”    Robyn Benincasa

 

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Great Leaders Read People

September 29, 2015 by

Read People“The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.”    Buddha

Relationships can  be built by using a trial and error approach to developing effective communications  with others. Great leaders, however, have learned that there’s a better way to more quickly connect with people – Determine their personality type.

Truly effective team builders have developed the  ability to see beyond appearances and quickly determine a person’s personality type. This provides them with  a time-saving advantage in establishing meaningful relationships, influencing decisions and motivating actions. Here’s a simple tool that you can use  to  rapidly understand the basic personality wiring of the person you’re seeking to connect with. Try the application on yourself first.

Which of these life-slogans  best describes you? Note that you’re likely to be a mix of two, but pick the one that’s most dominant.

1. “Get it done.”   2. “Do it right.”    3. “Lighten up.”   4.“Take it easy.”

Here’s what your choice reveals about your default behaviors:

If  your choice is #1, you’re a RED. You’re wired to be all business and fast paced. You like to get a job done quickly. You’re pleased when you  get a lot accomplished.

If you’ve selected #2, you’re a GREEN. You’re also all business, but you prefer to take your time on each task to assure that you do a thorough job. High quality work is important to you.

If #3 seems to fit you, you’re a BLUE. You’re fast paced and you enjoy entertaining people, particularly by telling stories and jokes. You know many people.

If you see yourself as a #4, you’re a GOLD. You prefer a slow and calm pace. You like helping people. You enjoy close relationships.

Which life-slogan color fits you best? Can you determine the life-slogan colors for others? Practice on your friends.

Once you have a color, then you can adapt your communications style to that color. Here are  some  guidelines for connecting best with each type:

RED- Don’t spend much time on fellowship. Don’t waste their time. Get right to the bottom-line. These folks are outcome-driven. They’re interested in getting back to the task at hand.

GREEN- Minimize the social time. Give them all the details of any project you want them to do. As well, give them plenty of time to process the information and to do  what you’d like them to do.

BLUE- Be a great listener. Let them have the microphone. Show appreciation for what they say and do. Follow up with a written summary of any requests you’ve made of them.

GOLD-  Connect in a warm, caring manner. Be transparent and understanding.  Give them your time, interest and heartfelt support.

Remember that if you’re seeking to lead and influence, you want  to connect with other people based on their  wiring, not your own.

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.”  Ken Blanchard

Filed Under: Articles

Great Leaders Read People

September 29, 2015 by

Read People“The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.”    Buddha

Relationships can  be built by using a trial and error approach to developing effective communications  with others. Great leaders, however, have learned that there’s a better way to more quickly connect with people – Determine their personality type.

Truly effective team builders have developed the  ability to see beyond appearances and quickly determine a person’s personality type. This provides them with  a time-saving advantage in establishing meaningful relationships, influencing decisions and motivating actions. Here’s a simple tool that you can use  to  rapidly understand the basic personality wiring of the person you’re seeking to connect with. Try the application on yourself first.

Which of these life-slogans  best describes you? Note that you’re likely to be a mix of two, but pick the one that’s most dominant.

1. “Get it done.”   2. “Do it right.”    3. “Lighten up.”   4.“Take it easy.”

Here’s what your choice reveals about your default behaviors:

If  your choice is #1, you’re a RED. You’re wired to be all business and fast paced. You like to get a job done quickly. You’re pleased when you  get a lot accomplished.

If you’ve selected #2, you’re a GREEN. You’re also all business, but you prefer to take your time on each task to assure that you do a thorough job. High quality work is important to you.

If #3 seems to fit you, you’re a BLUE. You’re fast paced and you enjoy entertaining people, particularly by telling stories and jokes. You know many people.

If you see yourself as a #4, you’re a GOLD. You prefer a slow and calm pace. You like helping people. You enjoy close relationships.

Which life-slogan color fits you best? Can you determine the life-slogan colors for others? Practice on your friends.

Once you have a color, then you can adapt your communications style to that color. Here are  some  guidelines for connecting best with each type:

RED- Don’t spend much time on fellowship. Don’t waste their time. Get right to the bottom-line. These folks are outcome-driven. They’re interested in getting back to the task at hand.

GREEN- Minimize the social time. Give them all the details of any project you want them to do. As well, give them plenty of time to process the information and to do  what you’d like them to do.

BLUE- Be a great listener. Let them have the microphone. Show appreciation for what they say and do. Follow up with a written summary of any requests you’ve made of them.

GOLD-  Connect in a warm, caring manner. Be transparent and understanding.  Give them your time, interest and heartfelt support.

Remember that if you’re seeking to lead and influence, you want  to connect with other people based on their  wiring, not your own.

I’m doing a 3 hour personality types training for the Chamber of Commerce on Wednesday, 10/21 in Waynesboro, PA.Get more information here.

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.”  Ken Blanchard

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Great Leaders Read People

September 29, 2015 by

teambuilding“The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.”    Buddha

Relationships can  be built by using a trial and error approach to developing effective communications  with others. Great leaders, however, have learned that there’s a better way to more quickly connect with people – Determine their personality type.

Truly effective team builders have developed the  ability to see beyond appearances and quickly determine a person’s personality type. This provides them with  a time-saving advantage in establishing meaningful relationships, influencing decisions and motivating actions. Here’s a simple tool that you can use  to  rapidly understand the basic personality wiring of the person you’re seeking to connect with. Try the application on yourself first.

Which of these life-slogans  best describes you? Note that you’re likely to be a mix of two, but pick the one that’s most dominant.

1. “Get it done.”   2. “Do it right.”    3. “Lighten up.”   4.“Take it easy.”

Here’s what your choice reveals about your default behaviors:

If  your choice is #1, you’re a RED. You’re wired to be all business and fast paced. You like to get a job done quickly. You’re pleased when you  get a lot accomplished.

If you’ve selected #2, you’re a GREEN. You’re also all business, but you prefer to take your time on each task to assure that you do a thorough job. High quality work is important to you.

If #3 seems to fit you, you’re a BLUE. You’re fast paced and you enjoy entertaining people, particularly by telling stories and jokes. You know many people.

If you see yourself as a #4, you’re a GOLD. You prefer a slow and calm pace. You like helping people. You enjoy close relationships.

Which life-slogan color fits you best? Can you determine the life-slogan colors for others? Practice on your friends.

Once you have a color, then you can adapt your communications style to that color. Here are  some  guidelines for connecting best with each type:

RED- Don’t spend much time on fellowship. Don’t waste their time. Get right to the bottom-line. These folks are outcome-driven. They’re interested in getting back to the task at hand.

GREEN- Minimize the social time. Give them all the details of any project you want them to do. As well, give them plenty of time to process the information and to do  what you’d like them to do.

BLUE- Be a great listener. Let them have the microphone. Show appreciation for what they say and do. Follow up with a written summary of any requests you’ve made of them.

GOLD-  Connect in a warm, caring manner. Be transparent and understanding.  Give them your time, interest and heartfelt support.

Remember that if you’re seeking to lead and influence, you want  to connect with other people based on their  wiring, not your own.

I’m doing a 3 hour personality types training for the Chamber of Commerce on Wednesday, 10/21 in Waynesboro, PA.Get more information here.

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.”  Ken Blanchard

Filed Under: Uncategorized

3 Big Benefits of Personality Analytics!

September 17, 2015 by

personality“An attitude of positive expectation is the mark of the superior personality.”   Brian Tracy

Whether I’m guiding a group in team building, strategic planning, or relational growth, one of my first steps is to do a personality review on each participant. I do this for 3 reasons:

  1. Personality affects everything we do. The way that we eat, make love, fight, drive, talk and walk are shaped by our personality. In fact, name a behavior, and you can be sure that your personality affects how you express it. So, for anyone seeking to lead or work with  others more effectively,  insight into likely behavior patterns  is valuable information.2. Understanding personality can ease relational differences. Participants often discover that differences between them really aren’t interpersonal, but have their basis in personality dynamics. I’m not surprised any longer when I  hear a previously offended person say something like, “All this time, I thought you just didn’t like me, and now I can see that we’re just wired differently. It was never about me, was it?”

3. Personality analytics affirm strengths and reveal growth opportunities. Usually, the strong      elements of a person’s personality also point to their likely challenges. Take their personality strength to the extreme  and there you’ll find their growth potential. So, the bubbly, friendly extrovert, who brings life to the office, may also  be the one who needs to be careful of being  too self-centered.

There are several personality tools available. I like the Myers-Briggs instrument for groups that will be having a long term relationship together. Here’s a free link for an abbreviated MB tool:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

For shorter term relationships, I prefer a personality tool that is simple and has immediate value in improving connections with customers and casual contacts. I use the Hippocratic four basic temperaments. Here’s a free link:

http://www.gotoquiz.com/results/hippocratic_personality_test

The bottom line is that there’s relational, leadership and customer service value in the information that the  personality analysis provides. I recommend that you add it to your skill set.


Filed Under: Articles